Original, Unmodified Speech #
April 26th, 2017 #
Last business meeting, I talked about how valuable it is to be genuine when spending time with people. I talked about how you shouldn’t do things without knowing why because it comes off as disingenuous, how you shouldn’t attempt to be someone else, and about how you should show genuine emotions—not beautifying how you feel. I talked about how you can’t possibly click with all of the people you meet. This week, I’ll talk about how to build connections with people, with tips on how to communicate. To do this, you will need to think about what someone else is thinking, what someone else wants, and to know how to best manage that.
I think I do a good job of being genuine. I don’t do even a close to good enough job with managing people. Nonetheless, I have some good tactics, that I think might help.
So I talked about how you might not click with all Alephs, and if you don’t, you shouldn’t attempt to convey false emotions of deep affection. Again, this doesn’t mean that you can be mean to them, just that you shouldn’t fake love. Sometimes, however, some Alephs might not click with you. I’ve had many cases in which I’ve jumped at the chance to get to know a new Aleph well, and they’ve pushed me back.
Step one is identifying the issue. This involves thinking about them, they will show signs, you just need to be paying attention. You could go up to talk to them, and they could shy away, they could attempt to avoid you at events, they could pay less attention to you, etc. These might all seem like they would be easy to notice. But when I began, I was often so focused on what I wanted, that I didn’t notice the many signs that they pushed my way that they didn’t like me the same way I liked them.
What I did, and still do, is go on walks alone, lay in bed at night, just think about people. I’d think about all of the events that happened in the last few ways, all the things I talked about, what they said, what I said, what I could’ve said, what would’ve happened, how they behaved, and so on. I’d analyze my life. And that helped me with identifying many of these signs.
I’d also have to think about what to do. And I’ve come to the obvious conclusion, that if I actually value them, then I should stop attempting to push them into a connection that they don’t want. Pushing them won’t help them, won’t make them happy, and it won’t make them like me. I laid back. Eventually, years later, some of these people eventually wanted to connect with me, without me pushing them, but many of these people still didn’t. And look, it’s painful, I know. But it’s the best thing that can be done.
The next big thing is how to communicate. One on one communication is key. You could hang out with someone 50 times in a group, but it won’t have the same effect as a single one on one hangout with them.
If you can—keeping in mind that you pay attention to aforementioned signs—pull them to the side in the beginning of an event, find a way to talk with them one on one. Always pay attention to signs that they might not want it; nothing is given.
One on one communication isn’t only valuable when you want to build a connection with someone, but also when you want anything. In school, if you want an extension on an assignment, you could attempt to ask in the middle of class, and you could attempt to ask at the end of class, one on one. Typically, at the end of class is most effective. This should make intuitive sense to you.
But you can apply this to many things. If an opinion is said in class that you don’t second, you could yell out in the middle of class and attempt to debate it. But you could also wait until the end of class and talk about it one on one. If you want to fight, then fight, but if you actually want to get something to change, I’d suggest you think about the best way, and the best time to communicate.
Now this also applies to facebook, and I’ve been meaning to say this a while. Now I don’t think anyone in Ramon is genuinely evil. When someone makes a spelling mistake on facebook, I often see a comment with a fix and some comment. The fact that someone made a spelling mistake doesn’t need to be made public. I dislike spelling mistakes just as much as anyone else, but a comment is a public thing. I just send people a private message, and they always thank me and fix it. Just think about who needs to see what.
The main takeaway that I want you to have is just to think. Think about what people do. Think about what you do. Identify what you want, and how you can best achieve what you want.
Next post #
The next talk I gave was not during a business meeting, rather during my ‘life’, an event that marks my transition into becoming an alumnus of the youth club. It is called Why I Hug People.